so i am now in budapest working on a some management issue that needs all my attention and thinking of a thousand different tasks, activities, tasks to be done, people, job, and you.. and i feel i need some time for myself but on the other hand if i'd have it i'd be totally panicked.. what to do with all that time, and why should i waste it only for myself. and then again this is not ok either, is it like running away? or some people are just like this?
sometimes i think of life and all these questions come to mind. yes life might be beautiful but what's its purpose?
sometimes i think i should go somewhere alone, and see how i handle myself. sometimes i wonder how would come after me, but this thought is more and more rare, probably it comes with age.
i didn't write in quite a while so now i am letting it flow, even if it might not make sense.
and there are times i am sad. it's mostly related to people. and i repeat to myself again that i want to learn to love unconditionally. though i don't think some could love me till the end of time, unconditionally or not. sometimes i take the chance and not judge people, and when i do judge is because suddenly what i saw good in them is not there anymore or seems to have totally different reasons. and i don't expect anything, but when somehow all of a sudden i have expectations, maybe because i'm sad, they seem high enough.
i am ok, i guess. i'm trying to make it last, with people that are now around me. sometimes i feel like meeting new people, but i am just fed up from work. i became cold, maybe. or maybe life makes us that way. or maybe we just don't express it anymore, or... i'll probably complete this later. i gotta go now.
nevertheless, we die alone.