100factsabout.com - Top 100 Facts about Patratelu'

1. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Patratelu' is going to walk.
2. Patratelu' invented black. In fact, she invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
3. Patratelu' does not believe that there are 50 states in the US, only 2, because where ever she goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever she leaves, she leaves a State of Destruction
4. Whenever Patratelu' plays Chutes and Ladders, she treats the chutes as ladders, because she's not some sissy who can't climb up a plastic slide.
5. When Patratelu' deletes files from her computer, she doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. She sends them to hell.
6. Superman owns a pair of Patratelu's pajamas.
7. Patratelu' can delete the Recycling Bin.
8. Patratelu' sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with her eyes open, and she looks pissed off.
9. Patratelu' has the heart of a child. She keeps it in a small box.
10. Patratelu' can speak braille.
11. Patratelu' can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
12. Patratelu' once stated that she "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Patratelu' was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.
13. Patratelu' and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
14. Patratelu' doesn't read books. She stares them down until she gets the information she wants.
15. Giraffes were created when Patratelu' uppercutted a horse.
16. Patratelu' was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when she managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
17. Patratelu' can slam revolving doors.
18. The word "gay" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "He who has not yet been introduced to Patratelu'."
19. When Patratelu' gives you the finger, she's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
20. On her birthday, Patratelu' randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
21. Patratelu' died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell her.
22. Patratelu' once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
23. Patratelu' sleeps with a night light. Not because Patratelu' is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Patratelu'.
24. Patratelu' is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
25. Patratelu' counted to infinity - twice.
26. Patratelu' does not sleep. She waits.
27. Patratelu' beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.
28. The last man who made eye contact with Patratelu' was Ray Charles.
29. Patratelu's dog is trained to pick up her own poop because Patratelu' will not take crap from anyone.
30. Patratelu' always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
31. If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Patratelu' laughing at you.
32. Patratelu' was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
33. Patratelu' can kill two stones with one bird.
34. If Patratelu' wants some shade, she stares the sun down until it eclipses.
35. Patratelu' can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.
36. Patratelu' owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped her win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite her holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
37. Circles exist because Patratelu' beat the crap out of some squares.
38. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Patratelu's house one Christmas.
39. Patratelu' destroyed the periodic table, saying Patratelu' only recognizes the element of surprise.
40. Patratelu' became a vegetarian not because she loves animals, but because she hates plants.
41. When Patratelu' gets pulled over she lets the cop off with a warning.
42. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Patratelu' can kill 100 percent of whatever the heck she wants.
43. Patratelu's blood type is WD-40.
44. Only once has Patratelu' ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.
45. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Patratelu' punched herself in the face.
46. Patratelu's family wraps her holiday presents in lead, so she can't see what's in them.
47. Getting murdered by Patratelu' counts as a natural cause of death.
48. On a high school math test, Patratelu' put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. She got an A+ on the test because Patratelu' solves all her problems with Violence.
49. Patratelu' had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere Patratelu' went the lamb was sure to go. So she killed it.
50. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Patratelu' was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
51. Patratelu' is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
52. Patratelu' puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
53. Patratelu' wears a cup not to protect herself, but to protect the players on the other team.
54. Patratelu' once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
55. Onions do not make Patratelu' cry. Patratelu' makes onions crap themselves.
56. If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, Patratelu' wins.
57. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals Patratelu' has found too chewy to eat.
58. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Patratelu'.
59. Patratelu's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Patratelu'.
60. Once a cobra bit Patratelu's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
61. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Patratelu' allows to live.
62. Patratelu' can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
63. Patratelu' once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give her a speeding ticket, however Patratelu' still pleads her innocence to this day, stating that she was simply out for a morning jog.
64. Patratelu' is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for her left and right legs.
65. Patratelu' used to beat the crap out of her shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind her.
66. Patratelu' doesn't play "hide-and-seek." She plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
67. Patratelu' can make a paraplegic run for her life.
68. Patratelu' doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under Patratelu'.
69. Crop circles are Patratelu's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
70. Patratelu' was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
71. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Patratelu' says its beef, then it's beef.
72. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Patratelu' and forgot to pay her back.
73. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of Patratelu', only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.
74. When Patratelu' goes to donate blood, she declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
75. Patratelu' does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Patratelu' goes killing.
76. Patratelu' invented the hammer when she was tired of using her forehead to slam nails into wood.
77. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Patratelu' could use to kill you, including the room itself.
78. Patratelu' is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
79. Patratelu' can predict the shuffle on her iPod.
80. Patratelu' doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
81. Patratelu' played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
82. Weeping Willows are a result of Patratelu' yelling at trees for not being tough enough.
83. The only time Patratelu' was wrong was when she thought she had made a mistake.
84. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Patratelu' ate Kobayashi.
85. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Patratelu's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
86. When Patratelu' plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.
87. When Patratelu' enters a room, she doesn't turn the lights on, she turns the dark off.
88. Patratelu' knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).
89. Patratelu' irons her shirts while she's wearing them.
90. Patratelu' can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
91. Patratelu' is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why she can only kick through doors.
92. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Patratelu' has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
93. Patratelu' was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
94. Patratelu' can tie her shoes with her feet.
95. You are what you eat. That is why Patratelu's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
96. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Patratelu' and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
97. Patratelu' is the only one who can "try this at home."
98. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Patratelu'.
99. Patratelu' does not know where you live, but she knows where you will die.
100. Patratelu' has beat the crap out of so many people over her brilliant life that most medical journals now classify her as a laxative.