"one day you'll love somebody so much that you'll go to the end of the world for her" - i said and i really wish it will happen to you one day..
and today you said "but i'm not that person for you.."
and i was sad that you thought of it but in the same time i was happy that you said it. (maybe first of all i should ask - do you want to be that person for me?, but maybe you do since you asked, and maybe that's what made me happy in the first place..)
and it is still in my mind, that "statement" of yours.. i want to write about it..
if love can be measured by where anyone would go for you... if it would only be that easy... then it should be simple enough.
if big words can show a person's heart then so be it. i can just be silent, that's all it takes, and you'll think... that it's all gone?
tomorrow i'll only be able to say 2 words to you, being busy again and again... and i can't explain all these things that run through my head...
how do you know what you are for me? how would you know? what should i do? i always thought that it's not good for you to know what i feel.. that it constraints you, that it limits your choices, that it gives you a responsibility to be careful with my feelings, with me. that it takes some of your freedom away.
maybe if i'd really really love you i'd write some other things. i'd make you smile. somehow i wish even this mail would make you smile.
i am here. i will be here. you were the most amazing thing that happened to me... i owe this to my blog. [omg:))]
i can give you time, and i can give you patience, and i can give you my time, and a part of my life, and i can give you love. this is what i can give you. then, what are you for me? whom do i write such things? who makes me laugh and cry and smile and who makes my heart........ nevermind.
i give you a place in my heart and in my life, in all my life. i want to give you all these. it's so good i know you exist...
and if you expect me to behave in some particular way about going to the end of the world, you should know i've thought of it all... all... and please tell me about this again. and let's talk about it, i want us to talk about it.
and if that's not enough and if you think that's gonna end anyway because i don't love you "to go to the end of the world for you" i give you more, the most - i give you the freedom to leave. anytime. i'd even make you smile while leaving without even knowing what's inside of me.
and if that's not what you want, leaving, then i can let it be only friendship, knowing that i'll never have you again, that i'll never kiss you or make love to you ever again. and i wouldn't go if you want me to stay and i'll give you a hand and a shoulder to lean on if that's what you need and nothing more.
and i want you to be ok and i want to help and make it better, and i can give you a mirror to look in, and questions to answer, otherwise never answered (maybe), and confidence and balance.
and you gave me all these feelings that i can't even say in words, and all these wishes to be better than i am, and to do something with my life, and all these memories. and (you said this too one day) you gave me a reason to wake up in the morning for, would you know that? and you gave me this certainty that i can love again when i was so sure i can't be repaired, and the certainty that special people do exist, though now i can't think there's anyone as you are to me, for me.
this is what you are to me. all of this and this is only what i could express now.
and tell me distance is measured in kilometers, not in thoughts and heartbeats and smiles and longing and wishes and dreams and pillows i hug and memories in a blink of an eye. tell me. tell me about distance, about being far and being close.
tell me about going to the end of the world.
and more, and more than this... there's more... there's this feeling... this feeling that i am so happy to have met you, even if you'd be with somebody else. and there's this wish.. this wish that you'll be ok and that you'll let me know when you're not and that you'll run into my arms any hour, without hesitation, if you feel like.
and i need to thank you. thank you for making me feel this life worths living, a bit. thank you for walking a part of the road with me. thank you for letting me share all these with you and for giving me so much.
this is about my journey.
this is about going to the end of the world, it's about my going to the end of the world. it's what i can be for you and what i want to be for you and what i feel i need to be for you.
and you're so so special and i think i need you.. but i won't call you or keep you. at least i'll try.
now where is it?
where's the end of the world, can you tell?